Nobody understands the feeling of isolation more than those who don’t fit in. There are the cool kids to the left, the intellectuals to the right, and the oddballs at the back.
Despite moving to a new town and environment, you realize college is no different than high school. Yes, students are more open-minded and carefree, but the labels remain. If you don’t fit neatly into a box, you’re cast aside like takeaway food past its expiration date.
Many don’t consider cultural nuances and everything in between. But know this, thriving in your unique identity requires more than rejecting labels. It means learning to explore and embrace the full complexity of who you are.
Labels Are Starting Points, Not Definitions
It’s natural to want to fit in, especially in college, where unfamiliar surroundings can feel overwhelming.
Labels can give a sense of belonging. The problem arises when we treat these identities as fixed. College isn’t about becoming someone else; it’s about becoming more of yourself.
It’s about questioning the roles you take on. Are you majoring in business because it excites you or because people say you’re “a natural leader”? Do you join the debate team because you love discussing ideas, or think that’s what smart people do?
As a starting point, Viranda suggests joining an anonymous chat app for students and connecting with other like-minded individuals. These platforms allow you to stay true to your authentic self while making you feel heard. They remind you that there’s a world outside campus culture.
Embrace Your Inner Complexity
In an article by CollegeVine about discussing identity in essays, students are encouraged to think of identity as layered. You’re not just your race, gender, or interests.
How you respond to conflict, the music that makes you cry, and the memories that change your mind are who you are.
Here’s the kicker: your identity will probably shift over time. That’s not a failure; that’s growth.
Flourish with a Future-Focused Mindset
Fast Company notes that thriving in the future of work requires five key mindsets for students: explorer, integrator, builder, connector, and visionary.
Notice how none of these mindsets include being the “perfect student” or the “most popular.”
These roles invite you to see yourself as adaptable, evolving, and capable of wearing different hats at different times.
Breaking Out of the Proverbial Box
What does it look like to live beyond the college labels? Here are a few practical ways to do it:
Experiment Without Expectation
Take a class outside your major. Join a club beyond your comfort zone.
You might discover you’re into photography, even if you thought you weren’t the creative type. Permit yourself to try without needing to succeed. In the words of Tony Robbins, “All growth starts at the end of your comfort zone.”
Find Identity-Affirming Spaces
Inside Higher Ed highlights the importance of community support for LGBTQ+ students.
Inclusive spaces allow people to share experiences without fear of judgment.
Whether it’s a cultural org or a faith-based community, surround yourself with people who affirm and expand your understanding of identity.
Let Go of the ‘Main Character’ Pressure
Social media has made it easy to feel like everyone has a defined brand. But you don’t always need to be performing.
You can be the athlete who writes poetry, the coder who paints, the introvert who runs for student government. Your identity doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else. It just has to feel honest to you.
Ignore the Buzzwords That Don’t Serve You
Buzzwords like “alpha,” “sigma,” or “grindset” repeatedly reinforce rigid gender roles and one-dimensional personalities.
Verywell Mind explains how these labels can trap people, especially men, into emotionally restrictive boxes. Real strength comes from emotional honesty and adaptability, not fitting a trope.
You Are Not a Résumé
Living beyond college labels means exploring the parts of yourself that don’t fit into a neat box. You’re more than your LinkedIn profile or what someone might write in your yearbook.
We get it. Trying to fit in is a rite of passage; a way of belonging. But at what cost? Your mental health might deteriorate, and at the end of the day, all you’re doing is wearing a mask.
As you move through this season of your life, try asking not “What should I be?” but “What feels true to me now?”
That question alone can be the bridge to a more authentic, thriving version of you. Yes, making real connections is hard. Nevertheless, it leads to finding your tribe without losing yourself along the way.